Helpers are deeply aware of other people’s needs, but they struggle to identify their own needs. Twos help others at the expense of themselves. As I learn to let go and forgive, I experience the antidote to anger, serenity. When I acknowledge my anger, it becomes easier to move towards letting go of my high expectations towards others. Because I categorized anger as an emotion that only boys were allowed to feel, I have had to work hard in my adult life to identify my anger and express it in healthy ways. Boys were allowed to be tough, angry and fight with one another, but I never fought with another kid and I would cry if someone hurt my feelings. As a child I could feel scared or sad, but anger was an expression for the boys. I was taught as a young woman that good Southern girls aren’t allowed to be angry. I have to work hard to acknowledge my anger. Ones grow as they learn to be more patient with others and themselves. They are very ethical and want people to do things the “right way” and because no one meets their high standards, they often feel resentment towards others. They have high expectations of themselves and others. Let’s look at each of these nine shadow sides.īecause of their need for perfection, type ones on the Enneagram don’t always acknowledge their anger. These nine growing edges can separate us from God, life, our work, ourselves and one another. I know that I’ve wrestled with each of the nine deadly sins. Because all nine numbers live in us, you have likely battled with at least one of these deadly passions at some point in your life. The Enneagram says we have one primary number, but that all nine numbers live in us. I like to refer to them as the nine growing edges, because this implies that we can continue to soften our edges and move toward becoming the best version of ourselves. The deadly sins are sometimes referred to as the shadow side or deadly passions. The Enneagram utilizes the seven deadly sins from the church’s traditional list of seven deadly sins (pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth), and adds two more sins (deceit and fear). But each personality also has one particular Achilles heel, and once we become aware of this vice we are more able to move toward transformation and life. The Enneagram says there are nine personalities and each of these personalities has considerable strengths and weakness. If you prefer a free test check out this one: If you have never taken the Enneagram personality test, you might consider going to to take the $12 test. Like the Myers Briggs, the Enneagram is a personality typing system, but this personality system is unique because it not only helps us understand our persona, but also invites us to grow emotionally and spirituality. I am a big fan of the Enneagram as a pathway that helps us understand ourselves and one another.
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